Yesterday I said something like, I don't have time to write, but hopefully I will soon... that I have big emotions inside... no outlet for them... something like that. Well today those big emotions came erupting out in a public outburst of tears over Drew's last day of school. I think it might be time to write. Before another public outburst, you know?
Drew's first day of pre-school:
Drew's last day of pre-school.
I think one of the hardest things for me to deal with as a mama is the passing of time. I love seeing them grow and thrive. Every stage brings new joys with it. Getting out and experiencing life with them gets easier and easier. But at the same time it's hard to deal with that little bundle you brought home from the hospital growing up before your eyes. Those baby rolls under their chin and at their wrists slowly smoothing out and losing their roundness. Those days of carrying them around on your hip all day every day fading into memories. Knowing that this is the last summer before they start school... and will be away from home all day. All week. Oh, I can hardly speak those words.
Why is the passing of time so hard? We were born into the bounds of time, have known them our whole lives, and yet the quickness of it still catches us by surprise. We see a friend and their child who we haven't seen in a while, and are shocked by their child's growth. The more seasoned moms tell us younger ones not to blink, that it goes by too fast. I passed two elderly people talking in the grocery store this morning, and I overheard the man saying to the woman, "I remember those days... we didn't have any problems then, did we? Why didn't we just stay young?" We can never believe it when a new year is starting.. the last one went so fast. Why is this? I heard someone repeat a quote the other night, and it resonated so in my heart.
"Why are we as humans always so shocked by the fast passing of time? It would be the same as a fish constantly commenting of the wetness of water. It wouldn't make any sense.... unless the fish was originally created to one day live on dry land."
Eternity has been set in our hearts. We were created for forever. And the passing of time will always feel strange and foreign to us, because we were made for eternity. Our spirits will one day no longer be bound by time. And yet there is such beauty in the passing of time. A richness, a seasoning, a wisdom that grows and is nurtured, the passing on of a heritage...
Learning to cherish the here and the now. It is a constant process. Sometime things shock you into perspective. The intense emotion I felt today as we wrapped up this season with Drew left me so receptive to his little voice every time it was directed towards me. Instead of continuing to wash the dishes while he told me about the robin outside in our yard, I dropped my sponge, got down on my knees and looked into his little face the second I heard him say "Mommy..." without even thinking about it. Tears were leaking from my eyes as I listened to him tell me about his day at school this morning. I've talked before about our brown rocking chair and the time I spent rocking Drew in it... This morning he was the first boy awake, and I gathered him in my arms and went straight to our chair... He still curls against me so sweetly. I can still hold all of him on my lap, and I treasure it so.
He had the most amazing teacher this year. She was such a blessing. She understood him so well and gently encouraged him to thrive in his class. That adds to the difficulty... the saying goodbye to her.
Drew's little sidekicks. The lollipop gang.
And I love this picture of Drew with his teacher today before we left. It says everything about why we had the most wonderful year at his school.
I posted the above picture on instagram with this:
I am pretty sure I've cried more on drew's last day of school than I did on his first. When you have the worlds most amazing preschool teacher investing in your child week after week and you see the way they love her and watch them blossom before your eyes it's hard to say goodbye. Drew and I made her this sign together. He painted the canvas, I did the wording, and together we tried to remember as
one more time together as a class. When she started hugging each child goodbye I couldn't keep it together anymore. It wasn't just misty eyes, it was tears pouring down my face. I hugged her too and told her how incredibly thankful we are for her. There is just nothing like having a teacher who loves your child like her own. I can't believe the emotion welling up in me today....
I cried the whole way home, all through lunch, and every time drew says "mommy" and begins to tell me something in his little boy voice the tears come back. And needless to say, I'm a total mess right now. To mrs chase: you do the most incredible job, and our family will forever adore you.
Now I'm just sorting through the papers and books he brought home with him today. Thinking I'm done crying, then turning a page, and starting all over again. Maybe tomorrow the outburst will be over?