random thoughts from the sofa

Just a bunch of not-so-pieced-together thoughts of mine....

First, I really do have a whole series on organization compiled and ready to be posted. And I planned on posting it beginning.... yesterday. But I want it to be inspiring for spring cleaning. And as of yesterday... it was snowing. I don't know how many were feeling the "spring" vibe at all, so I'm waiting til next week to post the whole series. Second, I have a fun little list of items to be on the lookout for if you are wanting to add some cute trendiness to your spring/summer wardrobe. But.... I have not been taking many pictures at all right now and that post doesn't seem like it'd be much fun in my mind without some photos. So, it's gonna wait too. Which brings me to this: random thoughts post. So, in no specific order, here we go.

I keep dreaming about spring/summer entertaining. Eating on our back porch. Fresh herbs and vegetables. Grilling. Using our fire pit, having friends over. A mason jar of flowers from my backyard in the middle of the table. Ahhh.... And even more than just the fact that all that sounds wonderful, in my mind, warm weather means I won't be sick anymore, and I'll have a nice little bump, and I'll be feeling this sweet little baby moving, and know if it's a boy or a girl! And that all combines to sound like heaven to me.

Isaiah will have been done nursing for a week tomorrow. So sad typing that :( He was only still nursing at nap time and bed time, but it was so hard to make him stop, and the first day he was hysterical. He didn't understand and he was bawling his eyes out. I tried to comfort him as best I could, but it took him awhile to finally calm down and fall asleep in my arms. I know it's best for my health and the health of this little one to keep as many nutrients from leaving my body as possible.

~Wrote everything above this point three days ago....

Since writing all that, I caught the flu somehow and felt the worst I have in a very long time, maybe ever, yesterday. On top of the pregnancy nausea and hormones and exhaustion I had a fever, chills, achyness, extra throwing up, a terrible headache.... Thank the Lord my fever left in the middle of the night last night and I'm on the road to recovery... just very weak and tired this morning.

The couple days prior to getting sick I really had started to have breakthrough in this whole first trimester sickness thing. Not that the sickness was gone, but I just felt this overwhelming peace and grace to function through it, like Jesus was carrying me and giving me joy in the midst of difficulty. I seriously feel his arms around me right now. It is incredible.

I love this little baby so much. I find myself resting my hand over my stomach as I fall asleep, or random times throughout the day. Just protecting, loving.... I'm so thankful for this life.

My house is so disorganized, I feel so out of control, so helpless right now. But not being in control is probably a good thing sometimes. And I know this is just a season. A very worth it season. I praise Jesus for joy in unexpected times, and the grace to let go and depend on Him.