"Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch." - E.B. White, Charlotte's Web
Sleep is hard lately because of round ligament pain and contractions and having to pee every hour anyway. Add to that the anticipation of meeting my little girl and... yeah. I am awake quite a lot. So I tucked myself into the rocking chair with a blanket and a bag of trail mix (my latest craving besides carrots) and a glass of water to write until my boys wake up.
I've entered that phase of pregnancy where I begin to feel like a ticking time bomb. This being the fourth time around I feel very chill about the whole thing, instead of confused and frustrated like I did the first time. The way I go into labor is a pretty long and drawn out process, but I've come to expect that now. Timeable contractions anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes apart for days and days and days. And while they are uncomfortable, and sometimes hard enough that I need to close my eyes and stop what I'm doing to sit down and breathe through them, they are not the intensity of real labor contractions, and they are all moving me along slowly but surely, so that by the time I do go into "real labor" I don't have far to go. I was 1 cm at 34 weeks, 3 cm a week ago. My next appt is tuesday, and I imagine I will be at least 4 by then. I have been 4 or more by the time I have gone into labor with all of my babies. Half way there to start is worth all this crazy build up to me. So instead of timing contractions and feeling the pain only to have them spread back out again feels normal to me, not frustrating anymore. Besides the contractions and slow progress, my body has shown me other signs that I am preparing and labor is close (like within a week or so away). EEEE!!!!!! Last night I got to go on a much anticipated, last pre-baby date with Shaun, and I loved it. I did get a little scared while we were out because my contractions became consistently 5-7 minutes apart all through dinner and were a bit harder than usual. We hadn't put any of our hospital bags in the car before we left, and I couldn't imagine going back for any of them before driving to the hospital... I feel like labor might be pretty quick this time. (I've already researched what to do in case you accidentally have your baby at home- hopefully that is not the case).
And p.s., also during the nesting phase, during the week between christmas and new years shaun built this hutch for our baby girl and the boys all helped paint it.
Now this morning I think we are going to just have church as a family here at home before we go to my parents' for lunch. I imagine today will be a day where I try to just rest. I'm making an effort to mix days like that into the bunch. I don't know what I will do all week next week since I already did most everything I needed to before she comes this past week, but I'm sure I'll find new things to clean and organize. :)
There have been multiple times in the last couple of weeks where I suddenly realize how close I am to meeting her and holding her for the first time. And it brings me to tears to think about looking into her eyes and beginning to know who she is. I was telling Shaun how it feels like there is this whole deep, unique well of love that is specific to each of our boys in my heart. Depending on which one I am relating to or thinking about they tap into a place that is all their own inside of me that is just overflowing with adoration and emotion and love for exactly who they are. And I can feel that deep place forming and filling for our daughter already, the intense love and affection I feel for her that is about to be tapped into for the first time as she adds her own presence and personality and life into it. I seriously can not wait to hold her and kiss her and begin to pour this love out on her. And to see each of my boys and my husband do the same... We are all feeling so much anticipation for her to join our family.