38 week update

"Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch." - E.B. White, Charlotte's Web 

Here I am. 38 weeks, sitting in my girl's completed nursery as the sun rises this morning with too much filling my mind (and body) to sleep any longer.

Sleep is hard lately because of round ligament pain and contractions and having to pee every hour anyway. Add to that the anticipation of meeting my little girl and... yeah. I am awake quite a lot. So I tucked myself into the rocking chair with a blanket and a bag of trail mix (my latest craving besides carrots) and a glass of water to write until my boys wake up.

I've entered that phase of pregnancy where I begin to feel like a ticking time bomb. This being the fourth time around I feel very chill about the whole thing, instead of confused and frustrated like I did the first time. The way I go into labor is a pretty long and drawn out process, but I've come to expect that now. Timeable contractions anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes apart for days and days and days. And while they are uncomfortable, and sometimes hard enough that I need to close my eyes and stop what I'm doing to sit down and breathe through them, they are not the intensity of real labor contractions, and they are all moving me along slowly but surely, so that by the time I do go into "real labor" I don't have far to go. I was 1 cm at 34 weeks, 3 cm a week ago. My next appt is tuesday, and I imagine I will be at least 4 by then. I have been 4 or more by the time I have gone into labor with all of my babies. Half way there to start is worth all this crazy build up to me. So instead of timing contractions and feeling the pain only to have them spread back out again feels normal to me, not frustrating anymore. Besides the contractions and slow progress, my body has shown me other signs that I am preparing and labor is close (like within a week or so away). EEEE!!!!!! Last night I got to go on a much anticipated,  last pre-baby date with Shaun, and I loved it. I did get a little scared while we were out because my contractions became consistently 5-7 minutes apart all through dinner and were a bit harder than usual. We hadn't put any of our hospital bags in the car before we left, and I couldn't imagine going back for any of them before driving to the hospital... I feel like labor might be pretty quick this time. (I've already researched what to do in case you accidentally have your baby at home- hopefully that is not the case).

I wear pretty much the same leggings and t-shirt almost every day now, and I've spent the past week nesting hardcore. Monday I set out with Isaiah and Jaden and ran errands from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. It was freezing that day, so every stop required not just the usual car seat bucklings and unbucklings, but also the putting on and taking off , the zipping and unzipping of heavy winter coats. As we were leaving our first stop Jaden had just bundled up and tucked his little hands into his pockets to go out into the cold. He turned toward me and began to run and said "Wait, me, Mommy!" And as he started to run he tripped and because his hands were buried in his pockets he fell flat on his face and got the worst bloody lip... I felt so bad for him, sweet boy, and carried him back to the car with him bleeding and crying on my shoulder. That first stop was the hardest, because it had involved city parallel parking and meter paying and the bloody lip. After the bloody lip was cleaned up and Jaden was ok again we went to Michael's for yarn to finish baby girls blanket that I've been working on for months, then the mall to exchange wrong-size Christmas gifts, then the gap outlet to exchange Isaiah's Christmas pajamas that he didn't like and refused to wear because "they looked like paint ball clothes" to him... He picked out race car pajamas instead. Then to goodwill to drop off donations, then chic-fila for lunch (hallelujiah chorus, also, Jaden calls it Chicken fway and it is adorable) Then to my dr appointment. Then to target. Then to the West Elm outlet. And then finally, finally home. I was exhausted but had gotten pretty much every errand checked off my list. Tuesday I spent the morning undecorating from Christmas. Then I finished her blanket, and we had family dinner with Shaun's family like we do every week. Wednesday my mom came over and, bless her, cleaned both of our upstairs bathrooms while I vaccuumed and dusted and straightened all our bedrooms. That night Shaun and I made dinner together and made two of our family's favorite casserole (chicken divan) so we could add another meal to the freezer. Thursday I spent sweeping and rearranging furniture in our downstairs so we had space to set up our pack and play again. I also changed out the linens on our bed and washed everything, folded and put away a bunch of laundry and did some kitchen organization. That night I had my hair appointment (another thing I was hoping to squeeze in before she came) Friday I spent all day just being with my boys. Drew doesn't have school on Fridays, so I got to be with all three of them. We only had one, close by errand to run, and besides that we played and snuggled and I rested on the sofa and we had a picnic lunch in the living room watching the Lorax, with clementine Izzes to drink. I made a roast chicken with carrots and potatoes for dinner. The day had started off with Isaiah trying to climb the curtains that hang over our back sliding door, and snapping the curtain rod pieces in half. Enter nesting eye twitch here. So Shaun brought home a new rod and while dinner finished roasting he drilled holes that sprayed drywall dust onto the freshly swept floors, but he got that curtain rod fixed and the curtains hung back up, and I swept up that enemy drywall dust asap, and the nesting nightmare was averted. Phew. Saturday was more nesting, I finished cleaning her car seat base, and we took the rest of the Christmas boxes to the attic, and I polished the fridge and trash can and water filter system and the inside of the microwave and hung the last piece of art in her room. (I'm not sure why I need a clean trash can and microwave to bring home a newborn, but I just do.... every time. And I am not very fond of cleaning the microwave.) Then it was time for date night :)

And p.s., also during the nesting phase, during the week between christmas and new years shaun built this hutch for our baby girl and the boys all helped paint it. 

Now this morning I think we are going to just have church as a family here at home before we go to my parents' for lunch. I imagine today will be a day where I try to just rest. I'm making an effort to mix days like that into the bunch. I don't know what I will do all week next week since I already did most everything I needed to before she comes this past week, but I'm sure I'll find new things to clean and organize. :)

There have been multiple times in the last couple of weeks where I suddenly realize how close I am to meeting her and holding her for the first time. And it brings me to tears to think about looking into her eyes and beginning to know who she is. I was telling Shaun how it feels like there is this whole deep, unique well of love that is specific to each of our boys in my heart. Depending on which one I am relating to or thinking about they tap into a place that is all their own inside of me that is just overflowing with adoration and emotion and love for exactly who they are. And I can feel that deep place forming and filling for our daughter already, the intense love and affection I feel for her that is about to be tapped into for the first time as she adds her own presence and personality and life into it. I seriously can not wait to hold her and kiss her and begin to pour this love out on her. And to see each of my boys and my husband do the same... We are all feeling so much anticipation for her to join our family.