seeing ourselves the way God sees us

I've written this post in my head at least ten times... But I'm glad it's not until now that I am finally writing it for real. I didn't have all the pieces until now.

All this thought process started for me because of a quote that I read that I have looked and looked for and can't find again... But it was something about how most of our difficulties and problems with the way we see ourselves tend to either swing to one side of the spectrum and be prideful, or the other side of the spectrum and be low self-esteem, instead of being right in the middle of the spectrum and seeing ourselves the way God sees us.

So then I got to thinking. How does God see me?
Well...
He delights in me.
He rejoices over me with singing.
I am his child.
Nothing can separate me from his love.
I am chosen by Him.
He finds me beautiful.
He longs to be in relationship with me.
He has prepared good works for me to do here.
I am more than a conqueror.
I am an heir with Christ.
I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.
I am holy and beloved.
I have spiritual power and authority through Christ Jesus.

(All Biblical, just paraphrases of different verses that speak on our identity in Christ. Colossians 3:12, Ephesians 2:10, Ephesians 1:3, Romans 8:17 to name a few.)

So I'm thinking, if I see the myself the way God sees me I should be thinking "I'm worth it, I'm beautiful, I'm righteous, I'm holy, I can do all things..." But even as I was going through this list in my mind I was thinking, "if I say all this out loud it kind of sounds not too much different than pride... so what's the difference?"

This is the last piece that just fell into place for me through something we talked about at my Bible study. Maybe that whole spectrum of pride vs. low self esteem shouldn't even be on the same page with how God sees me at all. Because that spectrum is all about self. SELF-esteem. But the way we see ourselves shouldn't be about us, it should be about God. GOD-esteem, if you will. Because the only reason I am any of those things is because of HIM. He made me. My identity is because of Him. No good thing that I can ever do or be is of me. It's all because of Him. It was all His idea, His creation, His masterpiece. Any time I say I'm worth it, it's because that is His thought towards me. I am only more than a conqueror because of His strength and spirit living in me. I am beautiful because He is my creator, and he finds me lovely. I am chosen because He is good, I am loved because He is loving, I am blessed because He is generous, I am holy because He covers me. Apart from Him I am nothing. In Him I am everything. And the knowledge that He is my all and my only, and that I exist to love Him brings about a healthy view of self. Because it is no longer about self, it is about Him.

"All is for your glory.
All is for your name.
That in all things you would have the first place.
That in all things you would have preeminence."

listen to the song here.  It is so beautiful.

Sometimes what we perceive as pride is really a mask for low self-esteem. When someone doesn't view  themselves as worth something the way they talk or act might only be for the purpose of convincing themselves they are worth it. But sometimes what we perceive as pride is really that: thinking that who they are, their talents, skill, ability or success is because of something they did. Any time we are tempted to give into pride we need to ask ourselves why. Is it because we are trying to talk ourselves into thinking we are worthy of attention or affection? Or is it because we think we are somehow inherently wonderful apart from being God's creation? Neither is healthy. But the remedy for both is the same: Run to Jesus. If we need affirmation it will be found in Him, because He is well pleased with the artistry He has created in us. If we need humbling just take any thing you are tempted to boast in and lift it up to Him with open hands. Thank Him for the gift He gave us, and know that without Him that gift ceases to exist.

I am so done focusing on self. I am so ready to focus on GOD. My father, my friend, the romancer and pursuer of my heart, the only one who will never, ever, EVER let me down. My faithful confidant, advisor, steady, relentless, more vast than the ocean, the one who created the heavens and yet focuses His sole affections on me... How could I ever turn or run from that kind of love? Why would I want to? Why would I ever want to dwell on my own short comings again when I can just look into His eyes and know that He is loving me into being more like Jesus every moment of every day?

He delights in YOU. 

He rejoices over YOU with singing. 

You are his child. 

Nothing can separate YOU from his love. 

You are chosen by Him. 

He finds YOU beautiful. 

He longs to be in relationship with YOU.

He has prepared good works for YOU to do here. 

You are more than a conqueror. 

You are an heir with Christ. 

You have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. 

You are holy and beloved.

You have spiritual power and authority through Christ Jesus. 

I pray that today you see yourself through the eyes of Jesus and know that you are worth it. 

The Kreider Gandbabies

I typically enjoy taking photos that are more candid, less posed, very natural, artistic type photos. That being said, the more people in your group (and the more kids specifically) the more difficult that can be for obvious reasons. :) So I needed to think outside my normal comfort zone for this little mini session of Art and Joanne and all their grandkids and get comfortable with the idea of doing some more "posed" type photos. Before I had looked through all the photos I was kind of nervous, wondering if I had done a good enough job, wondering if there would actually be any photos where they were all looking at the same time... But I have to say, I was worried for nothing. I don't think it really mattered how they were posed, who was looking, if they were smiling etc. All that mattered is that Art and Joanne LOVE their grandbabies so much, and are most definitely proud, smitten grandparents. And when I started looking through these photos that was the reigning, apparent fact. 

I mean, how could anyone take photos of grandparents with their grandchildren and not capture at least a little of that mushy, soft-hearted, head-over-heels love that belongs to their relationship alone? It is the sweetest thing. And here's a little glimpse of it :) 

Timeless. Just timeless. What a beautiful family :)

Even all smiling! 

Some of the grandkids altogether. 

 And my personal favorite (probably because it's a bit more candid and captures a little of the love between all those sweet kiddos) 

Thank you so much for asking me to do these photos for your family, Art & Joanne, you have such beautiful grand babies and I loved seeing your love for them shine through these photos :) 

5 years

This is just so hard to believe and so exciting all at the same time. Was it really five YEARS ago that I was curling my hair, having apple cider donuts and girl time during breakfast, finishing up packing for my honeymoon, getting dressed in white, wearing a veil, crying every time I saw my daddy, walking down the aisle toward my best friend, promising forever, dancing the night away, throwing a bouquet, hugging my family goodbye, walking across the parking lot... It feels like yesterday. 2007 was the beginning of my new life. I got engaged, turned twenty, graduated college, got my first "big girl" job, got married, moved to another state... It was a lot of changes, a lot of firsts. I had never lived on my own before. Never budgeted before. Never gotten my car inspected, or paid an electric bill before. But I was doing it all with my best friend in the world. It took time to figure it all out. (Not that it's all figured out now!) 

But here we are, five years, two babies, a house, and a puppy later. Elders together. Learning how to run businesses together. I said to Shaun the other day that I feel like my entire way of thinking about life has been deconstructed and rebuilt. I guess that's what has to happen when you become one with another person. You have to learn to mesh your mentalities together. I feel like this anniversary is such a big mile stone for us. Every day we become a little more "one" and five years worth of days later I can see such a huge difference in us. 

Home is wherever you are, Shaun. 

My dreams for the future are whatever will bring us closer. 

My prayer for our lives is real, awake, living and breathing love. 

I will follow wherever you lead, I will trust your judgment, I will honor you and respect you. 

I love who you are as a daddy.

I love who you are as my friend, husband, lover, and protector. 

Please don't stop dating me, be my boyfriend forever. :)

And thank you again for choosing me. 

Happy five years. 

I love you.

SO much.

xoxo