For about a week after we came home from our Sandbridge vacation, where I got to spend a full week with my sister, I was in a weird place. I don't know how to describe it exactly, other than to say I felt lonely. After a week with my beloved baby sister, I came home and was just missing that daily kind of friendship so badly. On top of that I was putting myself down in my thinking. I am usually able to mentally pull myself out of a negative thought pattern fairly quickly, but in this case it took a few days. So the combination of missing my sister living here, of finding my self-worth in the wrong places and feeling rejected because of it, and of comparing myself to others all at the same time took a little toll on me. But praise Jesus, even when I can't pull myself back up to high ground, He can. I felt like the Lord told me to tell the spirit of rejection to leave me alone. And so I did, in His name. And I immediately felt free again. Free to be who I was created to be, free to find fulfillment in exactly what He has placed in front of me to do. Free to be confident in who I am without relying on the opinion of others. I read a quote (and I'm so sorry I can't remember where!) that said "If I give them the power to feed me, I give them the power to starve me." In other words, if we base our happiness and self-worth on another persons opinion or treatment of us, we might sometimes feel full and gratified, and other times feel completely deprived and desperate. The only way to find consistent and un-ending satisfaction and confidence is to fix our gaze on what Jesus sees when He looks at us. Because His opinion of us is unwavering, steady, constant, and so full of love and value that we will never want for anything in His presence. And I want to cry just writing of the love that He has for me. Truly, truly like the love you have for your own baby, only infinitely more powerful and life-changing and perfect. without ever failing. How deep the Father's love for me. How vast beyond all measure. He saves me over and over and I will never stop being thankful beyond words.
So now you have a small idea of why I was absent from sharing my thoughts here for a while... I shared lots of photography and some outfit inspiration, but it was hard to go deep for a bit. So thankful to feel restored again.
And now... let me wipe my tears out of my eyes and switch gears to a totally random and funny motherhood bit... :)
I shared before about how Isaiah was potty training himself there for a little while. I didn't forbid him from it, but I pretty strongly encouraged him to continue using a diaper for the time being. I just wasn't feeling ready for potty training a few months ago. But now I am! So cool how life becomes more and more normal and your ability to do things with more children than before returns a little bit at a time. Anyway, diapers are a downer to spend your entire shopping budget for the month on, so potty training it is!! We have had four successful days of underwear in a row. No conventional potty training accidents where they poop or pee in their pants at all. But wait, before you go saying how amazing that is, let me be honest with you and tell you that we have had several un-conventional potty training accidents that could only happen with Isaiah. Of course, they all involve poop. So if you don't think poop is funny, you might want to stop reading. Ok, incident number one. Jaden was playing with toys on my bedroom floor. I was re-making the boys bed in their room (which I do all. the. time. or so it feels like) Isaiah was in the bathroom, requesting privacy and pooping on his little elmo potty. Or so I thought. All of the sudden I hear Jaden crying and I go running to my room only to find that Isaiah snuck out of the bathroom after finishing number 2, and in his proud attempt to show Jaden that he did, in fact, succeed at his endeavors and the proof was in the poo on his hiney, he stuck his rear up to Jaden's face and got poo in his hair. I KNOW. SO GROSS! Fortunately it was just a tiny bit, and none ended up on his face... But poor Jaden!!! Oh the scars of being a littlest brother! Who would have thought that cleaning up from Isaiah's potty going success would include bathing Jaden? Like I said... only Isaiah. And then yesterday... Isaiah was upstairs going number 2 without me knowing (the boy has been able to remove his own pants and diaper since ages ago) and I was on the phone. All of the sudden I see nakey Isaiah coming down the steps with pure joy on his face.... and doo doo all over his foot. How did it get there??! I have no clue. But it had been tracked through the bathroom, down the hall way, and down the steps.... I dropped the phone, ran to scoop him up before any more tracks were made, and spent the next 5 minutes spraying and wiping the carpet.... then I remembered my bestie was still on the phone. Thankfully she now has three boys of her own, and she totally gets this kind of stuff. :) I do need to add... in addition to his creatively crazy moments, Isaiah has so many legitimately sweet moments too... On the fourth of July we were all in my parents' pool together and Shaun was hugging me and Isaiah looks at us and says with a little smirk "You guys love each other." And I was like "Yeah we do." And then he says, "And we love you guys too." No lie. Exact quote. And he's two. The boy is a little romantic in the making.
My Drew bug. He doesn't get into so much messy drama as Isaiah does, but he is quite the investigative negotiator. He asks me questions non-stop. All the time. About everything. And he's so observant. One of my favorite recent interrogations by him was on our way to Shaun's parents' house for family dinner. We drove by a field where they were bailing hay. (Or straw... whatever it was. I was not a farm girl growing up.) Drew asked what they were doing, how they were doing it, why they were doing it, where they were taking it... and then my favorite. "Daddy, how big is the hay wagon?" Shaun said, "It's pretty big buddy." "But how tall is it?" "Umm, probably about 16 feet." "How tall is 16 feet?" Shaun:"Ummm...." Drew: "Like the size of a small tree?" Yes, yes, probably about the size of a small tree. Love the way his mind works. :) Earlier that day we had gone to Lowe's to get paint for the laundry room. We were sitting in the van afterwards and I was nursing Jaden before we left when Drew saw a lady pushing a mower back into the store. "Mommy, why is that lady pushing her mower into the store?" "I don't know buddy, maybe it's broken." "How did it get broken?" "I don't know sweetie, I don't know that lady." "Hmm... did it cut high grass and the grass got all stuck in the blades and that's how it got broken?" "Maybe sweetheart, I'm not sure." "Or did she mow grass and run over a stick and the stick poked a hole in the blades and that's how it got broken?" "I'm not sure buddy, but that's a good guess."........... The boy is a genius. I'm sure of it. And yes, I'm his mother and I have very high opinions of him. Naturally. :) And the negotiator part? Whatever my idea of what he should be doing it, he has his own ideas to add to it. Always. "Well how 'bout if we..." I can just hear him saying it.
And Jaden Saylor!! My little sugar shug. He is the most angelic little baby ever. Truly. He is so content and happy. He says "mamama" all the time now. He loves just sitting and playing with a toy or two (our orange guitar is his favorite) in whatever room we are in. He is starting to push his toys away just so he can see how far he can stretch to reach and pull them back again. And he dances. Almost knocks himself over doing it, but he dances so cute. And he waves and says "hiuhhihhihuh." (Can you pronounce that??) And he is the best eater I've had yet. He will try anything and is so easy to spoon feed. I could just squeeze him all day long.
Yes. Random, random. This is my life. :) I did manage to paint our laundry room over the last few days, and I LOVE how it came out... can't wait to show you some photos in the near future, but I have one or two finishing things to do before I take pictures :)
And P.S!!!!!!!!!!!! MY SISTER IS ENGAGED!!! She got engaged July 4th weekend. So in case you missed it, now my brother (and Mary) and my sister (and Nate) are both planning weddings before the end of the year. So much family celebration to come this fall!! And I'm doing Randi's engagement photos in about a month... Having so much fun planning for them! :)
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