Growing up my dad always made valentines day special. There still has not been a year that's passed that he hasn't gotten me flowers, even now that I am married. Whether they showed up at school, or he had them delivered to our front door, they've always been there. I remember he even made pink eggs for breakfast one year. But it's not really the flowers or eggs that made it special. It was knowing that I was loved, that he was wanting to make me feel special and know that he was proud of me.
It's amazing really that with a dad like that and a heavenly father who is constantly lavishing love on me that I struggled with self-worth. But I did. And especially around Valentines Day when I was in high school. There were several repeating themes now that I look back... whether it was not being invited to a valentines party being given by my "friends", or feeling like the only girl in school not walking through the doors at the end of the day with flowers from her boyfriend, I was looking to the stuff to make me feel loved and appreciated. Not because I wanted the stuff, but because I wanted to be seen as someone who had the "stuff." I wanted to have plans on valentines night just so I could say I did if someone asked me, and I wanted to have flowers in my arms so that people would think my boyfriend loved me. I was being fulfilled by all the wrong things. (And they obviously weren't fulfilling.)
This could totally turn into my testimony at this point, but that's not what I started out to write. Once I fell totally in love with LOVE Himself, Valentines became a day that could no longer be ruined by any external circumstances. If I turn my heart over to the one who not only loves it, but my spirit and my soul too, I can't be let down. My life is my love story with Jesus, and I love to celebrate that!!
Since I began dating Shaun we have had some unforgettable Valentines Days. I don't mean because they were perfect, but sometimes the sweetest memories are because of the imperfections. I'm gonna try to see if I can remember them all....
2005: Got chinese take out and ate it in Shaun's car in the rain in the parking lot.... I just remember laughing together the whole time. :)
2006: I was going to surprise Shaun and make dinner for him at my parents house. (I was a horrible cook then, so this was a big deal.) The surprise got ruined, and I won't say how, and none of the food I cooked was ready at the same time, but we were together, and I tried. So it was good. :)
2007: Blizzard. It took longer for Shaun to drive to and from me then the amount of time we actually spent together. But again, we were together :)
2008: We actually went on our first valentines date! We were married this time around, and we went to Texas Road house. But then I had to work third shift. :(
2009: Pregnant with Drew. Sicker than I ever imagined I would be. Watched six chick flicks in a row, and Shaun stayed by my side on the couch. He tried to cook for me that year (steak too) but I threw up just smelling it, and then cried when I walked past the kitchen on my way to bed and saw all the dirty dishes. (pregnancy hormones...)
2010: Our second real valentines date in 6 years... went to Rosa Rosa and sweet baby Drew came along. He was a perfect angel. Also Shaun made my bouquet of roses that year, and it was the sweetest thing ever :)
2011: Pregnant and sick again. Need I say more? :)
2012: We have two date nights planned this year! (making up for lost time) Yay for two sets of grandparents who like to watch their grand babies. :)
As I read over that all I can do is smile. Not because those sets of circumstances seem perfect, but because they are each such wonderful memories for me!!! And they were perfect because they were spent with the sweetest man I know (I love you Shaun!) and my heart was filled by the only one who truly can fulfill. (I love you Jesus!!!)
I read on another blog recently this quote in regards to valentines day:
"Disappointment is not even possible. I can't be let down.Because my heart believes God is all that can satisfy."