Most people have heard the saying there's no "I" in team.... supposed to inspire you that you are playing for something bigger than yourself, that it's not all about you, that your team is the most important.... that kind of thing. Well that same concept can be applied to motherhood but in a much bigger way.
God gave me the revelation one time that he has set up the order that relationships take place in our life for a purpose, as a process. We grow up thinking life is about us. Then we get married and learn how to compromise, that it's not all about us anymore, and that we need to learn to put someone else's needs in equal priority with our own. Then we have kids. And we learn to become completely self-sacrificing. To die to ourselves. To put someone's needs higher than our own. To give up whatever parts of our lives would interfere with loving our kids completely selflessly. And oh what a process this is.
It draws us closer and closer to the heart of our heavenly father, how he felt giving the ultimate sacrifice, how his heart hurt and yet loved in such great capacities as he laid down his son for us. How his heart must be so full when he loves us SO much and yet watches us push him away when we think we don't need Him.
I have so much more "dying to self" to do.... But the irony is that the more I die to self, the more fulfilled I am. We must lose ourselves to truly find ourselves, we must die to live, we must be last in order to be first, give to receive. Oh the beautiful Kingdom of Heaven. It is so backwards to our natural way of thinking.
There is nothing I'd rather do than snuggle up with my babies. I'd rather come home early and take our time getting bed time snacks, reading bedtime stories, doing last feedings, praying together, and being cozy than staying out late to have "fun." It's a new kind of fun, and a season that will go way too fast. I want to soak up every second of it while it's now.
Yesterday I was at my best friend Ashly's. We are so outnumbered now... four little boys to us two girls. It just so happened that all four boys and two mommies were hungry for "lunch" at the same time.... So we got plates ready for Drew and Chase, and were each feeding our big boys with one arm and feeding our baby boys with the other arm. And obviously, that left no arm to feed ourselves with. We just looked at each other like "wow, this is crazy!" amidst the chaos (and it was definitely chaos- between boys taking each others sippy cups, standing in high chairs, not being able to take another bite if there were crumbs on their laps, spilling a bag of rice cakes and then mashing them into crumbs with their feet, and diaper explosions in the midst of it all...) But crazy is our new normal :) And after those four sweet boys were fed and happy, then we got to eat. It seems a little insane at times, but these memories will probably make me laugh and cry at the same time someday.
As I am typing this I'm sitting cross legged on the bed, Drew is riding piggy back on me, and my one thumb is in Isaiah's mouth... I love this mommy to little boys thing, and it's only possible through Jesus in me, constantly teaching me how to die to self. Thank you Lord!!