Wednesday, November 14, 2012

sweet pieces of life

There are so many stories, emotions, lives, struggles, overcomings (if that's a word), heartaches, joys, passions and testimonies out there. Every life is precious. Every life has a story to it.

There are moments when all of the sudden I feel full of life. Like my heart cannot take anymore or surely it will burst for all the messy, beautiful emotion stuffed inside of it. Like all of the sudden I will most definitely cry simply by thinking of the feel of a pair of baby boy arms around my neck, when swallowing down the tears that constrict my throat is incredibly difficult, but how can I explain to my boys that I am crying just because I love them?

There are other seasons when I can't cry to save my life, because in order to survive all the emotion that runs through my mind and heart in a given day I put up my walls and just press through. I don't particularly like those seasons. I think I'd rather wear my heart on my sleeve.

Having an on-line journal is interesting... there is so much inside me that I cannot ever share publicly.

What's triggering this introspective rambling today? Hmm... well I woke up this morning to a text from my little sister saying that our kitty from our childhood, Callie, died today. But it's lots more than that. I mean, she was a cat, not a person, and I love animals, I really do, but they are not people. So I think it's more what she represented... I told my sister I felt like the last piece of our old life was gone with her. See, I grew up in a different state than the one I live in now, in a different house than the one my parents live in now. One year after I got married my parents moved too, and I had a really hard time saying goodbye to the home of my childhood. When my parents moved they brought their golden retriever and Callie with them, our two childhood pets. Now they are both gone, and it's put me into this super reflective, contemplative, emotional state of affairs this afternoon... But besides that my dad has a blog now, and he journaled all about it, and reading his words and listening to his heart and knowing how much he loves his kids and grandkids always makes me emotional. I nearly lost my dad when I was eighteen, and I remember saying to him that he had to hang on, because I wanted my babies to know him someday. Thank you Jesus that my daddy is still here.

Family relationships are hard, they're the people you love the most, the people you fight with the most, the people who see the best and the worst sides of you and whose hearts are connected to yours like none other, and yet we are all human, all fail each other, all struggle. The love of Christ, the redemptive nature of my God, and His grace at work in our lives are the only reason we are who we are. Thank you Lord for your sovereignty over every situation and circumstance. And thank you for my family.

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