So lately I have been struggling with fear. Like, crazy stuff like what is something would happen to me or Shaun, and how no one could love them or know them near like us, or like what if something would happen to one of my babies, I think I could suffocate just from the thought of not having them... And why? Why am I afraid? And is it stupid? If I say it out loud will it happen?
I finally came clean with Shaun about it all the other night. I admitted my fears and horrible thoughts about "what ifs" and false realities and how I could cry sometimes when I let these thoughts take control of my mind. And ever since I said it out loud Jesus has been calming and soothing and loving my heart away from the power of fear.
It's like every time I turn around I am hearing a verse, a message, a song, a quote about not being afraid.
"Fear not" and "Do not be afraid" are common throughout the whole Bible. Third Day was on the radio and the lyrics "Never mind your worries, never mind your fears, they will only take you far from me" stood out to me. In church on Sunday part of the message was about John, the disciple who identified himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." This crazy awesome peace came over me, and I was like, yeah! that's what I want to identify myself as! The girl that Jesus loves!! I know that he does, but if I really take hold of that identity, what do I have to be afraid of? He loves me, and no matter what, he's walking with me, holding me, nothing will come my way that I can't handle, and I know he has my best in mind!
Luke 21:26 says "Men's hearts will fail them for fear..."
In Job he says "The thing I have feared has come upon me..."
Fear seems like a little thing but I feel like my eyes are being opened to see what a huge weapon of the enemy it actually is, even empowering and enabling things in our lives that would not otherwise be there. I am choosing on a daily basis to say "NO MORE." When those thoughts or thinking about the what ifs come to mind I am rebuking them, commanding them to leave my mind. I will not entertain a guest of the enemy in my heart or mind any longer. Fear is not going to have power over me anymore. That is my top priority new years resolution.