oh, Jesus....

I didn't hear about what happened in Connecticut until almost 4:00 p.m. yesterday.
We were driving home from Christmas shopping, the four of us.

I felt sick to my stomach, like I might throw up. My heart still hurts so badly for those parents.
What is happening in our world??!
I mean, we were out in a public place at the mall, having lunch at the food court with our two babies. What would we have done if someone had come in with a gun??
My first reaction to the whole thing, sadly, is fear. But I am only human. God, help me. I started brainstorming homeschooling ideas to Shaun as we drove home. Dear God, I could not imagine my babies leaving for school in the morning and never coming home to us.

Those mamas. They had no idea they were hugging their babies goodbye for the last time. I think I would die if I could never feel my boys little arms around my neck again. They are the world that makes up my heart, and how could my heart continue beating without them?

So as I clean up my boys breakfast dishes, as I strap their little bodies into their car seats, kiss their tiny lips, or as they climb all over me, pulling my hair, tugging my clothes, snuggling in my arms, I will close my eyes and thank God for these moments.

Oh, Jesus, help me to live aware.