Monday, August 5, 2013

Healing Rain

If you ask me what I've been up to lately I'd answer "Nesting" with no hesitation. This is the earliest it's ever struck, and I literally can't sit still, can't let projects go, have to be checking things off my list of "do before baby" constantly. We painted out bedroom. We power washed the whole house/deck/backyard fence. We have moved furniture around. I've gotten everything re-situated in what used to be just Drew's room and is now Drew & Isaiah's room. They are sleeping in their full sized bed together every night now instead of in our bed with us as of about a week ago. Thankfully it's been a very smooth transition, much better than I ever anticipated. Now I'm working on the nursery, our closets, re-organizing my boy baby clothes for the third time around.

But can I tell you something? I've been terrified of the end of this pregnancy. Absolutely scared to death to actually give birth again. The past two times around I was super confident, declaring promises of God over myself, my labor, the baby, and actually kind of proud of the fact that I've been able to have such big boy babies naturally. (Drew was 9 lbs 8 oz- born 2 days early, Isaiah was 9 lbs 14 oz born a full week early.) But this boy seems to be measuring bigger than either of them. At my last dr. appt. he was measuring approximately 4 weeks big just by the physical exam. I'm getting an official follow up growth ultrasound in the next week or so to find out a more exact size. I want so desperately to go natural again with no pain meds like I did with Isaiah, only no pitocin this time around either. But I've just been scared even thinking about it. I've told Shaun I just don't feel mentally prepared at all. I think Isaiah's birth is still too fresh in my mind....

But yesterday at church something BROKE. The whole service was amazing, so spirit led and refreshing and there were testimonies and worship and Jesus was touching hearts all around me. I didn't even think I needed any healing myself, I was just happy to watch it happening for others. But toward the end of worship I can't even explain what happened to me. ( Oh, and you should know that several months ago my dad called me and told me he felt like God had given him a word about our baby boy. My dad calls Drew Lightning, and Isaiah Thunder, and he said he felt like this boy was going to be "rain". Not just rain though, healing rain, and he specifically mentioned the song healing rain by Michael W. Smith.)  (such a great song by the way, you should look it up and listen to it if you never have)

So yesterday morning at church they start singing the song Healing Rain. I am sitting down, with Isaiah sitting on my left, Drew sitting on my right, and the lyrics of the song go "Healing Rain is coming down, I'M NOT AFRAID, I'M NOT AFRAID!" And I felt like Jesus grabbed my heart and just said "Look at me! Just look at me! You don't need to be afraid! You can face this!" At the exact moment that this was happening my boys started ushering in the presence of the Holy Spirit like I've never felt or seen happen before... Maybe that sounds weird and confusing but I can't describe it any other way. In exact timing with the song, from my left side, Isaiah lets out this battle cry yell/scream/cheer and then from my right side Drew answered it the same way, and back and forth they were both screaming/cheering with the music, this victory yell over and over again and I just felt waves of the presence of the Lord breaking over me and I sat there with my hands in the air crying my heart out and feeling my fears washed away in healing rain, and knowing that this is the sort of healing annointing this baby is going to carry with him always. It was the most amazing moment with the Lord I've had in a long, long time. I will not forget how I felt yesterday morning ever.

Multiple people around the church told us that they felt something released when our boys started screaming back and forth during that song, which was just such an affirming feeling. You know, normally if my kids would get loud or yell during church I would tell them they need to quiet down, but this was so different, so obviously not just kids being loud.

I also felt like the Lord showed me that the reason I have been going so crazy preparing our house is because I've been trying to prepare every physical thing that's within my control in an effort to just block out my real need to prepare my mind. And so if you ask me what I will be up to in the next weeks, it's spending as much time with Jesus as I can, reading books on childbirth, preparing my heart and mind to go through this again, and resting in the strength that is Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. Jessi,
    As usual, you touched my heart with your beautiful writing and the way you express your perfect love for your Father in Heaven. You are blessed and your are such a blessing to others. Keep writing and being such a vessel of grace and love to your lovely family and friends. Boy mama's gotta stick go get em girl!!