This morning started with blueberry banana pancakes, Drew wanted four. He loves them. Then we headed to pre-school with a tray full of cupcakes topped with blue gummy sharks. There's recessed lighting going in the kitchen, drapes and dust covering the downstairs, bachelor and bachelorette parties tonight before my brother's wedding Saturday. Life is full. But today belongs to Drew, the day he came into the world, the first breath he took, the start to our journey in becoming parents.
Five years has gone awfully fast. I often take Drew in my arms and carry him up to the rocking chair that I nursed him in as a baby and hold him cradled on my lap and tell him about those first moments of motherhood. When he made me into a mommy and forever changed my heart, my world, my life. The first time I looked into his chocolate brown eyes and kissed his sweet cheeks. In the middle of the night, 3:29 a.m., just his daddy and me and him, still a stranger to us, and yet so familiar. Those little coos he made, all that soft dark hair. Those first moments of knowing I would lay down my life for another with no hesitation. The wonder of a tiny human in our apartment, the changed atmosphere of quiet during baby naps, soft lullabies, moments in the wee hours of the morning, just the two of us wrapped together in a blanket as he nursed himself back to sleep again while the rest of the world slept. My firstborn.
We celebrated his birthday this past Saturday with a trip to the aquarium and a peach cobbler birthday cake, at his request.
My dear Drew Elisha... you will never know the depth of mommy's love for you. I don't know how much longer I will be able to carry you, or how much longer you will want me to. I don't know if I will even be aware when it's the last time I hold you in our brown rocking chair and you still fit on my lap and want me to snuggle you there. But I am holding on, I am cherishing each time as though it were the last, and as you grow I will do the same with each new season. I will celebrate you with every breath that I breathe. I am taken, heart and soul with the little man that you are. I want nothing more than for you to know you are loved. So very loved. Happy birthday baby.
[This post is part of a 31 day series on being present in the moment.]