Tuesday, October 14, 2014

home. {living right where you are}

Shaun and I have a dream. It takes shape in our minds a little more all the time. We have had it almost since the beginning of our marriage. We go through seasons where we talk about it more, seasons where we talk about it less. We are in a season of talking about it a lot right now. The more you speak of your dreams, the more you long to see them come to life. Our dream involves land, a wide open space, a little white house, the smallest we can build that still adequately meets our needs, but packed with character. I see a wide front porch, a screened side porch, black shutters, a loft space for the boys, exposed rafters, white planked walls, a fireplace.... outside there are chickens, there's a garage with a workspace (maybe even a studio!) overtop, there's room for boys to play baseball, and there's a big, overflowing garden.

It's so good to have a dream. But if I focus on it so much that I become discontent with where I am, that's a problem, because this is where the Lord has me right now. It all comes back to balance. (My favorite.) I still have a vision for the home we are in. And I will still work towards that vision as long as we are here. I love our home, and I don't ever want to be at a place where I am so future-dream-minded that I fail to have a vision for my present situation.

Yesterday I took the kitchen curtains down to wash them. And it was the craziest thing, but for the briefest second not just the curtains were missing from the window, but the art and photos came down off the walls, the furniture was moved out, the counter tops were bare, and the kitchen and dining room were empty and quiet, and I was standing in my house on the last day we would call it home, and we were about to move on to the dream, and I suddenly realized just exactly what this place means to me. Tears came immediately as I thought of leaving... of all three of my boys sleeping in the same crib here as babies, seeing positive pregnancy tests and crying happy tears together, announcing to our families that our third baby was a boy too (!!), of the meals I've cooked, the thousand dinners we've had around our table, the birthday parties, our first garden, Drew learning to hit a baseball in our tiny backyard, of the bike ride walks we've taken in our neighborhood, of the fights we've had, learned from, made up from, sleeping around our Christmas tree in our basement family room, the eagles parties every Sunday, the quality time we've spent together painting and improving... And oh. my. gosh. I don't know how I'll ever leave. This house sure has heard a lot of laughter and seen us grow an awful lot. Little feet have pounded down these hallways more times than I can count, the boys bed room has heard that creaky sound as they're all jumping on the bed so many times, there's been living room floor wrestling matches, there's been collapse-into-bed-exhausted days, and there's been joy, so much joy. These walls have housed our growing family and created a home for these beautiful, energetic little kid years. I am so thankful for this place.

I believe thankfulness is what makes the difference and keeps you balanced between the dream and the present.
(This picture was taken the night before we had recessed lighting put in, and pendant lights put over the island. I had all the ingredients set out on the end of the counter to make Drew blueberry banana pancakes for this birthday breakfast the next morning.)

[This post is part of a 31 day series on being present in the moment]

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